INFJs Are Magnets For Toxic People, And It’s Worse Because We Can Be Major People Pleasers

  • Reading time:6 mins read

I read somewhere that INFJs are people pleasers who hate people, and that description could not be more apt. At least for me. 

I love people, but hate humanity. I also have had a weird childhood, where I felt unworthy of love over and over again, resulting in me doing anything and everything to prove my worthiness to the people around me. This included being an extreme people pleaser, who would do anything to get a smile or a note of approval from my friends, family, and coworkers.

The problem is that narcissists or toxic people sense this people pleasing tendency within us, and gravitate towards us, not only because we are filled with light and empathic healing tendencies, but because they know we want to make them happy and we will do anything to do so.

In essence, we will degrade our own selves, physically, mentally, and spiritually, in order to take care of the people around us. Which is made worse when we are doing it for a person who is essentially toxic and an energy vampire, and who’s just going to keep on taking and taking from us, without giving anything in return. This depletes us even further, and makes us feel even less worthy of the world and of the love around us.

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INFJs Wear The Label Of Counselor Quite Seriously – We Don’t Take Other People’s Needs Lightly, But That Ends Up Hurting Us Sometimes

  • Reading time:6 mins read

The label of a counselor is a heavy one to carry. Just because INFJs are supposedly counselors, it doesn’t mean that we are counselors 24/7, or that we are on the job 24/7. Unfortunately, that’s what people assume about us, and that means that we spend a lot of our time being counselors when we are just too exhausted for it or just not up for it for whatever reason. Or if we have learned how to say no, we spend a lot of our time saying it, and running away from people.

Don’t get me wrong, I love taking care of people. Being an INFJ, nothing gives me more pleasure than sitting down with someone, listening to their problems, offering some advice, or a shoulder to cry upon, and then seeing them rejuvenated and happy walking off to their next destination. That is one of my greatest pleasures.

But, sometimes (a lot of times), I am just not in the mood for it. Or I’m too tired for it. Or I have already counseled some other people today and I need a break from it. 

And the older I get, the more annoyed I get with people and their inconsequential problems, meaning that I am getting more and more cantankerous as I get older, and less and less counselor-like. 

Especially since I have a YouTube channel which focuses on counseling the counselors, I speak to INFJs about how to become better INFJs, and I get dozens of emails every week from INFJs and non-INFJs asking me for help. This is in addition to the people who are asking me for help face-to-face. 

Continue Reading INFJs Wear The Label Of Counselor Quite Seriously – We Don’t Take Other People’s Needs Lightly, But That Ends Up Hurting Us Sometimes