My intensity scares people

Why Are People So Afraid Of Intense People Like Me?

Boom ShikhaAuthenticity 2 Comments

My intensity scares people. They say things like:

“Dial it down.” “Calm down.” “Don’t be so much.”

“Stop being so high.” “You are too intense.” “Why are you always too much?”

I have heard these statements all of my life. It wasn’t mildly annoying to hear these words thrown at me on a daily or weekly basis. It was extremely degrading and humiliating.

I hated myself for being too much. I wanted to feel less, I wanted to be less, and I wanted to do less.

Cool as a cucumber. Cool as so many of those ice princesses roaming around, who felt nothing, or at least they looked like they felt nothing.

I wanted to be like them. Desperately.

Over time, I realized it was a hopeless endeavor. I wasn’t ever going to be like them.

If someone broke my heart, I wasn’t going to be calmly posting about it on Instagram or prowling the clubs dressed up to the nines looking for my next victim. I was going to be raging against the machine, screaming, crying, wailing about the unfairness of it all. And more.

My Intensity Scares People – But Why?

As an intense child, my parents always pleaded with me to dial it down.

Why can’t you be like other good, calm, obedient children? I heard that a lot.

My poor parents. I feel for them. I really do.

Now that I see intense children running around, and their parents running after them pulling their own hair out in frustration, I see why the world stamps down on intense children.

Intense children are hard to control, and parents nowadays just don’t have the time to run after these kinds of children. They want children who are easy to control, children who will calmly sit down in front of the TV, and not create a huge ruckus every few minutes about the world being in the state it is.

My parents lamented to me all the time, from the time I was young enough to understand, through my teens, and twenties, over to now, that they sometimes wished that I had been more similar to their friend’s children.

Not only parents, but teachers, bosses, leaders, and everyone in positions of authority want children to be controlled, mild, and non-intense. It just makes their life so much easier.

Intense People Are Intense, Because They Care, And Want Change

But is that our responsibility? To make these people’s lives easier? No, it isn’t, ma’am.

It absolutely is not. In fact, if that was the only thing that we did, then the world wouldn’t progress at all. It is the intense people, the fanatic people, the crazy people, the insane people, who actually change the world.

It’s not about making things easier for our bosses or our families. Who cares about that. They can have it easier when they are dead.

It is absolutely our responsibility to ensure we stay intense, and we keep things going in the vein of that intensity and more until we die.

We Are Taught To Stamp Down On The Most Beautiful Parts Of Us

Until I learned to accept my intensity and to work with it, rather than against it, I never actually made any substantial changes in my life.

The horrible thing is that I believed that this intensity, this part of me that wanted to do more and be more than the previous parts of me, was the terrible part of me. I was taught to hate this part of me.

I was told over and over again that if I could just be normal if I could just be less intense, I would be alright, I would be more accepted, I would be more successful.

Become a zombie. Wipe your face clean. Don’t show too much emotion. Don’t feel too much. Be cool. Calm. Serene.

As time went on, I realized this intensity, this part of me that is too much, is actually the most beautiful part of me. It’s the reason I live such an awesome life, it’s the reason I am able to live my ideal life, it’s the reason why I am able to break through boundaries, push through stereotypes, and live life on my own terms.

It doesn’t make me needy or crazy, as people told me. It doesn’t make too much or too little. I’m more myself because of it. I’m me. This intense part of me is me, it’s truly me, no hiding, no drama, no fiction.

No More Hiding The Best Parts Of Me – Let My Intensity Scare People

Why would I hide the best part of me? It doesn’t make any sense now.

But in the past, that’s all I used to do.

Hide all of the beautiful parts of me.

Intensity. Spontaneity. Ambition. Love for nature. Motivation. And more.

I lament all of those years wasted, being someone I was not. Trying to be someone that I was not.

It was so hard. So difficult. I hated it all.

I want to be more of myself. But that meant disappointing or annoying all of the people around me. So what? So what if they are annoyed with me or if they think I am too much?

I’m worthy as I am, too much or too little. No matter what we do, people always have something to say about it, so why not just be yourself?

People are going to talk no matter what, so why not just do it? Why not just be yourself?

I don’t care if my intensity scares people.

Boom Shikha

About the Author
Boom Shikha

Boom Shikha

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Boom Shikha is a wanderluster, yogi, and spiritual being hoping to use her talents as a communicator and an INFJ to bring peace and purpose to more people of this world. Read More

Comments 2

  1. Thank you! My friend and I were just discussing this this week. We both have been told our lives we were “too much” and should try to be calmer. Own your intensity — never let anyone try to fit you into their boxes. It’s hard being an authentic person in an inauthentic world but we shall persevere!

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