In the past, I used to believe that the rigidity of my opinions makes me a strong person. I imagined that I was mentally weak, if I changed my opinion hither and thither based on passing fancy. And partly that might be true. I don't want to become the kind of person who changes the kinds of eggs she eats or the style of coffee she drinks, because the people around her change their preferences. Like in the movie with Julia Roberts, 'Runaway Bride.' That's not called 'Changing your mind,' as she says in the scene. But not knowing what you want, as Richard Gere aptly points out. But I also don't want to go to the other extreme. Where someone gives me facts, figures, and data for something, and I still refuse to believe it. Because I have an opinion on the matter damn it, and it's going to stay the same until I die. Thank you very much. Getting Stuck…
When I was younger, in my teens, or twenties, I used to believe that napping is a huge waste of time. I used to look at a sign of weakness. If I couldn’t get through the long days without sleeping, then that meant that I wasn’t strong enough to live in the real world.
Even if I was exhausted because of the long hours, waking up at 5am, and going all the way till 10pm, I refused to succumb and take a rejuvenating nap in the middle of the day.
Part of it has to be because I grew up in a high-achieving, Type-A personality, perfectionism-seeking family. Which meant that if I did ever fall asleep in the middle of the day, it would result in all of these queries about my health. “Are you not feeling well? Are you alright? You are still young, you shouldn’t need to sleep in the middle of the day.” And so on.(more…)
When I was in my twenties, I thought I knew everything. Like a typical young know-it-all, I thought I had discovered the secrets to the world. In my opinion, every one around me was foolish, and I was the only smart one holding the answer key to life’s questions.
But weirdly enough, the more I thought I knew, the more nervous I became about life. Life was scary somehow. If I knew all of the answers, then where did I have to go from here? Where could I go but down from here?
Also, what if the answers I had were completely false? What if I think I know, but I actually don’t know? But I have to keep on pretending to know, because I made such a big show about knowing to everyone in my life. I can’t say I don’t know anything anymore, because then I will look foolish in everyone’s eyes.
This nervousness didn’t leave my life for a long time.(more…)
Your competition isn’t other people. Your competition is your procrastination. Ego. The unhealthy food you are consuming, the knowledge you neglect. The negative behaviour you are nurturing & your lack of creativity. Compete against that. – Jade Jackson WSBT.
I read this quote recently and it struck at the heart of how I think about competition. I have never been a competitive person. The idea of competing against other people gives me heart palpitations. Why would I want to fight against someone who is on a completely different path than me, and who has different life experiences, different agendas, and different goals in mind?
It didn’t make any sense to me, until I realized a few years ago that my competition isn’t other people, it is in fact, myself. I am competing with that older version of myself. The version which is more foolish than me, perhaps less fit than me, definitely has less life experience than me, and hasn’t done as much as I have, in my current version.
I am competing with all of those older versions of myself. No one else matters in this competition, except me and my older versions.(more…)
Recently, I have started taking part in a lot of varied healing modalities. This means that I am spending a lot of my free time, either recovering from some kind of physical or spiritual pain, or integrating the lessons learned. Self-care has become an absolute priority for me. Because without knowing how far I can push myself, and how much time to take away to rest, I will start disintegrating very fast.
Due to this, the universe has started sending me messages upon messages, about the importance of self-care. These messages come from all sources. Friends, family members, random people off the street, and more.
I learn the lesson from someone and I am good about self-care for maybe a few days or weeks. And then I forget about its importance, or I get busy. Instantly, the universe will perk up again, and send me another message from another person or situation about the importance of self-care. Hopefully, this will then reestablish itself into my mind space.(more…)
This happens to me all the time. Especially since I work from home, and I have no one really telling me that I need to get to work, or I need to get shit done. In fact, I could spend my entire day contemplating the length of my fingernails, and no one would be the wiser. That's one of the dilemmas of people like me, who work from home, who are creative, who need to get in the mood to create shit, and who sometimes are just not in the mood to do anything. Just today, as I psyched myself up to write this blog post, I spent 3 hours procrastinating in the following manner. I read manga on a couch that got more and more comfortable as time went on, took a 15 minute nap, cut my fingernails, ate my lunch, drank some coconut water, read some more manga, browsed Facebook for something (anything, please God). Finally, I sat down on…
There are many ways to live a life. There are many ways to not live a life as well. For the longest time, I felt like I was doing the latter. Oh, I was breathing in oxygen, and breathing out carbon dioxide at a regular frequency. But I felt like something was missing from the equation of breathing in and out. It wasn't like I was breathing in and out for some awesome goal in the future. I didn't want children or marriage, so what was I actually living for? Just to keep on buying a lot of useless shit, to put into a home that I barely spent anytime in. I spent all of my free time shopping, because I was so bored at work, that I needed to soothe myself with lots of pretty little things, that lost their shimmer almost as soon as I had purchased them. I wanted to spend my time doing something else. When I poked…
I am truly now understanding the meaning of conscious shopping. There are so many things to think about when you are going to buy something somewhere.
First of all, plastic – are they using plastic or not, and if they are, is there anyway for you to avoid it. Second, are they using sustainable items, things that are compostable, or renewable, like bamboo, hemp, or second hand items, that are not going to use more resources. Third, are they using any animal-related products, to prevent all of the load on the environment.
The main thing about purchasing an item, is can you go without this item. Thats the biggest thing to think about.
It’s so easy nowadays, especially since there are so many stores selling cheap things, to say, “Okay, I am just going to buy this because, its so cheap, and if I don’t use it, I can throw it out or I can donate it. But it took hundreds of litres of water, and hundreds of acres of forest, and other resources to create this one item. You might use it once and then throw it out. But, it will stay in a garbage dump producing heat, and methane, and pollutants for a long time.
And all of this, just because you didn’t take the time to think, okay, do I really need this? Do I really, really need this? Can I go without it? Are there any other options? Can I borrow from someone else? Can I use something I already have?(more…)
Fear is a natural response of the body to any outside invasion or outside stimulus. We might be sitting there in peace, happy and ecstatic to be alive. The world might seem to be right where it’s supposed to be. Everything is exactly right. And then all of a sudden, disaster strikes.
Or at least we think that disaster has struck.
Everything is exactly the same in our outer world. Nothing has really changed. Every stone, every molecule, every breath is exactly the same. But we have changed on the inside.
Hundreds of chemical reactions are going on in the brain, to change who we are, and where we are going. We are having an almost automatic reaction, based on fear, to the stimulus, whatever it might be.(more…)