You might not believe in the power of the full moon to affect human emotions, but I definitely do. Every full moon, no matter what the month or the season, no matter which country I am in or how happy I was previously, I start feeling immense deep sadness in my soul.
Normally, I am a happy person, with lots of positivity and joy. That’s why feeling this deep sadness and grief always makes me feel out of place. It makes me feel uncomfortable and makes me lose my place in this world. It’s highly disconcerting.
This Sadness Is Not My Own but Everyone’s Together
I realize as I feel this sadness, this deep well of emotion unrelated to anything going on in my life, that it has something to do with the egregore. It’s the collective sadness that I am feeling. It’s sadness and pain, grief and fear, that has been felt by every woman and man since the beginning of time.
As you might know, women’s intuition pipes up quite a bit during their periods. And during the full moon. As it happens, my menstrual cycle is currently in sync with the full moon. This means that my intuition and empathy, my emotionality is pumped up to twice its normal levels during this time.
Every full moon, I feel like I am just a mess of emotions. A ball of emotions. I’m not a human anymore, but an emotional being. I feel everything so deeply. It touches me at such a soul level, that I will never be the same again.
I am tapping into my ancestral grief and sadness. That’s why it’s unexplainable and doesn’t need to be explained.
As a scientific and analytical human, I NEED to explain everything. And if I can’t, I feel angry or upset or uncomfortable.
But with this situation, there is nothing I can do to explain it. It’s a mystery and it will remain that way forever.
Every Full Moon I Go Into Hiding to Go Deep within Myself
That’s why whenever the full moon arrives in her full glory, I go into hiding. IF I can. I try very hard not to interact with anyone as that confuses me. I try to stay in my room, or in my little place and go deep within.
Try to understand what are the various emotions popping up and what I can do to welcome them. If I run away from my full moon emotions, they become bigger, almost monstrous. My fear grows into Satan himself. My anger grows in the fiery pits of hell. And my anxiety grows into something that buries me alive.
But if I can take this time to stay still, to be, to avoid numbing, to truly feel, I allow the various emotions to show themselves in their magnificence, and I can allow them to dissipate.
They don’t control me anymore. I don’t control them either. They are there and I am there as well with them. We are friends. Or at least close acquaintances.
This way they can’t topple me with their magnitude. I remain stable and grounded.
Sometimes It’s Too Much for Me to Handle
I’m not superwoman, I admit. Some months, the full moon comes and my emotions overwhelm me. I can’t deal with them in a calm fashion. I want to run away. Angry, I want to hit someone or kill. I feel the blood rage rising through me. It’s so powerful and fear-inducing.
In those moments, I can’t lean into the emotion. I fear I will be consumed by it. Scary doesn’t begin to describe it.
I run away. I hide. And I numb myself. I read mangas, or eat a lot of sugar and carbs. I spend time with friends and family and fight with them. And I yell at strangers about missing payment or mistakes.
And then I try, try really hard, to do some yoga and meditation. As soon as I do my spiritual practice, even though I don’t want to do it, even though I want to run away, I calm down slightly.
I can think rationally again. I don’t run away anymore. Ah, I feel the heaviness in my chest lighten up.
That’s when I KNOW everything will be alright again. Soon.
The Choice Renews Every Full Moon
The universe is bountiful. She gives me a chance every full moon to renew my choices. To learn more about myself.
I am given a choice every month to run away or to face my demons. It’s a difficult choice. It’s not wrong one way or another. Truly, it’s just a choice.
Thankfully, the universe is always gracious. If I choose one way this time, it doesn’t mean I need to choose the same next time. The choices are always open to me. The entire universe is always open to me.
I am not stuck in any paradigm. I’m free to choose yet again.
What about you? Does the full moon affect you? Or do you think it’s hocus-pocus? Let me know in the comments below.