I started meditating a long time back, because I wanted to calm down my crazy mind. I had a lot of anxiety and I knew meditation would help me with that. Why did I choose meditation out of all of the other different things I could try? I mean, I could have started smoking weed, or taking Prozac, or exercising like a fiend, or eating a lot of sugars and carbs, or a hundred other things.
I guess, I was lucky. Or in the right place at the right time. I did a Yoga teacher Training in Toronto, because I inadvertently discovered Hot Yoga, and fell in love with it. Our main teacher for the teacher training was a meditation fanatic. She taught us a lot about it. We meditated a lot. In circles. Solitary. Facing each other. Facing outwards. It was an interesting experience.
Still it doesn’t explain why I started meditating regularly.
Well, this might sound hippy-dippy, but I realized the power of meditation, when I was sitting one day in the meditation pose, in a room with ten others, and I felt this ball of furious, white energy in my hands. It was powerful and white-hot. I felt like I could manipulate it and move it around. It was my first experience with manipulating and working with energy this way. It was quite fascinating.
I thought to myself, if I could have such an experience with just a few sessions of meditation, imagine what would happen if I did many many more sessions. I was hooked.
Of course, that experience wasn’t replicable every single time. Sometimes I meditated and it was quite powerful. Sometimes, I had a hard time keeping my monkey mind from bouncing around all over the place. Yet other times, I spent the whole meditation session thinking about food, all the food that I was going to eat after the session, or sex, all of the sexual fantasies that I was going to reenact after the session. It was definitely a challenge.
But I realized no matter how the individual experiences of meditation were, the overall effect of them on me was palpable. I could feel the changes happening inside of me. I was becoming someone different. I didn’t even look the same anymore.