I have been having a lot of conversations with friends, and family, about how I can improve myself in this new year. I have been doing a lot of creative work, which is nice. But I think I would like a bit of balance, and I would also like to keep on growing. So, of course, I go to the people who I think know me best, and ask them. What do you think I should be bringing more of in 2018? What am I missing that would enhance my life and my growth?
It’s weird how the same thing came back to me over and over again. No matter who I asked, they all said that I needed to stop being so hard on myself, stop working so crazy hard, and start trusting the world, and people more.
Now, I don’t know if they all had an intervention-style meeting, and discussed this before talking to me. But, I got the hint.
Not only do I realize that people think I need to let go and trust more. But I realize this for myself.
I Taught Myself From A Young Age Not To Trust
When I was young, I dealt with stuff same as any other normal person, who goes through life. But for some reason, my default mode in dealing with all of this strife and madness, was to retreat to within myself. I would tell myself over and over again, “You cannot rely on anyone else. All you have is yourself. You cannot depend on anyone else. All you have is your own strength. Be strong, and defeat everyone.”
This meant that I couldn’t rely on family or friends or loved ones or partners or anyone!
It was a good lesson perhaps to learn, because it made me the strong independent woman I am right now. But it’s also a terrible lesson to learn as a child.
As a child, I wish I had learned the importance of trust, and surrender. I wish I had learned the power of vulnerability – of showing your tender side to others so they can show theirs to you. Of give and take. Of surrendering to the universe, and letting the world take care of you sometimes.
But I didn’t learn that.
I Learned That The World Is A Harsh Place And Everyone Is Lonely
I learned very early on that this world can be a very harsh and cruel place to live in, especially for a sensitive empath INFJ like myself. It was hard, harder than hard to be alive. I hated it. But I was too cowardly to end it completely.
Also, there were bits and pieces of my life that I did like. I decided I wanted to live in this cruel world, but I had to learn to be alone, lonely, and on my own. I learned to take care of everything myself.
You cannot rely on anyone else for anything. All you have is yourself, and that’s all. So when something bad happens, or something happens that causes you to lose equilibrium then my default was always to retreat to myself, figure out a plan of action on my own, and deal with it all on my own.
I was always alone. In my head, and in reality. I had no friends really. If I had any emergency come up, the only person I trusted enough was my siblings, and parents. And I didn’t like to rely on them too much, because I was afraid I would get used to it, or they would use it against me somehow.
As I Grew Older, The World Became Less Harsh
Now, the title of this section is misleading. The world, of course, didn’t become less harsh as time went on. In fact, it was quite the opposite.
But, because, I know myself better, I am stronger, and I know that the world isn’t as bad as I imagined it to be as a child, I know now that the world is not really that harsh.
Everyone around me is doing the best they can. And I know that no matter what, no matter what is thrown at me, I can deal with it. The good thing about taking care of myself for the past two decades is that, whenever something happens that would break someone else, I am in warrior mode. I look at this situation, and think to myself, “Awesome, this is what I have been building myself up for. I am so ready for this. Bring IT ON!”
That’s where I am right now. I love the world, I love my life, and I love myself.
But I Still Don’t Trust Enough
Unfortunately, I still am living in a world where I rely upon myself, and only upon myself. Of course, I will occasionally ask for help, but in my head, I live in a world where I can only rely on myself, and no one else.
Sometimes, this can be the truth, because I will try relying on someone, and they will flake out on me, proving to me, that I am once again alone. But there are also times when I rely on someone, and they turn out to be completely reliable, and make my life easier than expected.
I want to trust more, but I don’t. I want to believe that this world is my oyster, and it’s here to help me out in all of the awesome ways that I want.
The reality is that this world will be whatever I want it to be. If I believe this world to be cruel, it will be. And if I believe that this world is trustworthy, then it will be that as well. We create our reality through our thoughts, beliefs, and ideas.
I have created this cruel world until now. But now it’s time to switch the world paradigm.
This Is The Year Of Trust – The World, And The People In It
This statement and blog post is really hard for me to write. For most people, trust comes as a natural side-effect of being alive. For me, trust is hard. Really, truly, absolutely hard.
Even the thought of trust, sometimes, can put me into panic mode.
I know how to rely and trust myself. I have built up this trust in myself and my abilities over a long time. But, I cannot, cannot, cannot, trust other people. I cannot. I just cannot.
Trust is hard. Especially trusting other people. In my head, I have told myself over and over again, people are unreliable, and cannot be trusted.
But, that cannot be the ultimate truth. Because I have trusted people in the past, and it has worked out really well. So why not all the time??
Thus, I have decided to make 2018, the year of trust and surrender. Not only to the universe, which I am really good at. But with people. Let the panic begin.
Why Does Trust Matter, Why Can’t I Just Keep Distrusting People?
The real question is, “Well, if everything has been working out properly till now, then why change status quo? Why rock the boat? Why start trusting people now?”
I have noticed that whenever I trust people and rely on them, without going into panic mode, my life is easier. And I form stronger bonds with the people I trust.
Perhaps, the reason I have to work twice as hard at anything as anyone else, is because I am trying to do it all by myself. If I trusted my friends, and family, and allowed them to help me, my life would be much easier. Not only that, but when you show trust in someone else like that, they in turn trust you more, and you form stronger bonds with each other.
Stronger bonds that are definitely missing in my life.
So it’s a win-win situation on both ends. The problem, the only teeny-tiny problem with it, is that trust is hard for me.
I Didn’t Trust Myself In The Beginning, Either, But It Came Over Time
The truth is that I had a difficult time trusting myself in the beginning as well. I didn’t trust myself, because I hadn’t proven myself to myself.
I have spent the last 4-5 years, working on that building up of trust. So much so that now I believe my word impeccably. If I say I am going to do something, I know I am going to do it. I don’t break my word, unless there are especially extenuating circumstances, which happens but rarely.
My word is my honour. And everyone who knows me now, knows that they can trust my word. That’s how powerful it is trusting myself.
But it didn’t happen randomly or without work. I trust myself now, because I have proven to myself over a long period of time that I am trustworthy. By saying that I would do something, and then doing it, over and over and over again. I have proven to myself, through these actions over a long period of time that I am trustworthy.
The same thing applies to friendships, and relationships.
Trust In Relationships Builds Over A Long Period Of Time
The problem with me is that if you ask me to do something, you can rely upon me to do it. But I don’t reciprocate that ask. Which means that I never ask you to do anything, and thus, help you prove yourself to me. I don’t ever see your trustworthiness, because I am not asking you ever to do anything for me.
Thus, it’s a very one-sided relationship, and then eventually, I feel tired of it all, and I leave, because I feel the one-sidedness of it. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. As George Costanza would say, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
So the remedy to all of this?
Start off with the small things. Ask your friends or loved ones to do small things, and see how they come through with flying colours. And then move on to bigger things. Slowly, but surely, as you see some people constantly coming through for you, you are going to build trust with them.
That’s what I am planning to do in my own life.
I don’t have many people in my life in general, but this is the general idea that I am thinking of building up in 2018.
Surrender Is Another Part Of Trust That We Forget
Do you know why we all hate bosses who are micromanagers? It’s because surrender is an intricate part of trust that these bosses have forgotten.
They have trusted us with a task, by giving it to us. But then they do not surrender. They are constantly checking up on us over and over again. “Did you do it? Did you finish this part? Did you call this person?”
It’s enough to drive anyone mad.
But it’s also something that I am missing in my own repertoire. I can give you a task to complete, but then I am a hound, asking you about it, and bugging you about it forever.
I do not surrender.
And weirdly enough, I always, always have a backup plan for getting the specific item completed. Which is again not good either.
What Is Your Word For 2018?
I am sure by now you are probably pondering on your own life, and thinking about something that you would like to bring more of in 2018. Maybe it’s abundance, or discernment (one of my friends chose that word, isn’t it a great word?).
Or perhaps, it’s love, or self-care. Maybe it’s joy or play.
The word itself isn’t as important as the exercise you would go through to bring forth the word into your consciousness. The reality is that I have been thinking about trust and surrender for as long as I can imagine. But it took me focusing upon myself, and the past year, to realize that it is missing from my life in spades, and I really need to work on it.
I implore you to do the work as well. Spend some time in the next few days, the first few days of this beautiful new year, this gift that we have been given, to figure out your word.
What is important to you, but you haven’t been prioritizing enough? What is not important to you, but you think should be? Or what would you like to have more of in 2018 that you didn’t have enough of in 2017?
So many ways to ask this question. So many ways to answer it. Only one word that you can work with for the rest of the year, and bring forth more growth.
If You Have A Word, Please Share With Us
If you already have a word that 2018 represents for you, please do let us know. I always love it when others tell me about their word, and how they came upon that conclusion. There are hundreds of thousands of words that you could have chosen. Why this specific one?
The word itself doesn’t matter. But the thought process behind it matters very much. And I am interested in getting some insight into that thought process. If you would be so inclined so as to share with us.
Again, I hope you had an awesome 2017, and I hope 2018 brings more of whatever you want into your life. More love, more joy, more abundance, more trust, more of everything.
We live a small life sometimes. But we can connect to something bigger through exercises like this.
Happy New Year!!