For The INFJ, It Was Never Ever About Being Right, But About Doing What’s Right

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This is a big thing for an INFJ, so if you are interested in learning more about us, please pay attention. This will actually happen a lot in real life, where humans will inordinate amounts of time arguing with some other human online or offline, because they have this weird desire to be proven right. 

As an INFJ, I look at most arguments and wonder why people are wasting so much time and energy arguing about something that doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or who’s right. 

For example, in the argument between people who believe in global warming, and those who don’t, it doesn’t actually matter who’s right. Does it really? The whole point is that either way, humanity is killing off and endangering species and hectares of forest, left right and centre. And that can’t be good for the environment, no matter which way you look at it. You might not believe that the Earth is getting warmer, although anyone who’s living on the planet right now can sense that the days are definitely hotter… but you can see that overpopulation and overconsumption isn’t good for the planet in any case.

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INFJs Have A Tendency To Be Insomniacs When In Their Default Mode Of Obsessing, Learning, And Growing

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INFJs don’t know how to take care of themselves. We really don’t. I mean, we are good at taking care of others. We know exactly what all of the people, whom we love in our life, need. Exactly and always. We will be able to tell you how much food you need, how much alone time, how much water, and we will worry incessantly about your physical and emotional needs.

But we have no idea how to put all of that caring back upon ourselves. In fact, we are probably so busy taking care of others, and spending time on our obsessions, and interests, that we forget to do the basics for ourselves.

An Unhealthy INFJ With A Terrible Mind Body Connection

For an extremely unhealthy INFJ, it will be easy for them to forget all of the basics for days on end. In fact, I have had moments when I was younger when I forgot to eat, and sleep for days. I would skip two or three meals and then wonder why I had this pounding headache. I wouldn’t be able to sleep all night. And then wake up wondering how was I ever going to get through the day on no sleep. I would forget to brush my teeth (gross, I know!), and I would forget to change my clothes. Worst of all, I would forget to drink water for hours on end, as I sat there on my computer with my latest obsession, and realize that I was in the early stages of dehydration.

It’s not a nice place to be, especially since as an INFJ, we are also extremely wary of other people taking care of us. Thus, I would get into a mode where I had not taken care of myself physically for days, and a loved one would try to feed me or take care of me, and I would lash out upon them like a surprised viper. 

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INFJs Go Crazy When They Aren’t Allowed Their Time Away From People To Recharge

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Recently, I went travelling with my parents and sister to Morocco, something that has been on my bucket list, ever since I watched the movie, Casablanca. Now, believe me, when I say, I love my parents, and sister, more than anyone else on the planet. But, I was about ready to commit murder at the end of the 9 days, because I had spent almost 24-7 with them for those 9 days, except when I was dead asleep to the world, exhausted from all of the sightseeing.

Thankfully, I was sharing a space with my INTJ sister, and she understood the importance of my detox/alone time every day, which meant that she gave me some time to be on my own, right after we came back from a long day of being tourists, and in the morning, so I could do my all-important morning routine. 

The importance of alone time for an INFJ cannot be overemphasized. I’m not joking with the title of this post, when I say we literally will seem like different beings if we are not allowed to get our alone recharge time.

Normally, we seem like the most easy going people on the planet. At times, we might even be considered charming, and affable. But, if you put us into a situation where we are not allowed to spend a few hours a day on our own, chilling out, doing our thing, and recharging, we will turn into horrible monsters, who will destroy everything that stands in our path. We will turn into these other world beings, completely different from what you imagined we were like before.

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INFJs Are Magnets For Toxic People, And It’s Worse Because We Can Be Major People Pleasers

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I read somewhere that INFJs are people pleasers who hate people, and that description could not be more apt. At least for me. 

I love people, but hate humanity. I also have had a weird childhood, where I felt unworthy of love over and over again, resulting in me doing anything and everything to prove my worthiness to the people around me. This included being an extreme people pleaser, who would do anything to get a smile or a note of approval from my friends, family, and coworkers.

The problem is that narcissists or toxic people sense this people pleasing tendency within us, and gravitate towards us, not only because we are filled with light and empathic healing tendencies, but because they know we want to make them happy and we will do anything to do so.

In essence, we will degrade our own selves, physically, mentally, and spiritually, in order to take care of the people around us. Which is made worse when we are doing it for a person who is essentially toxic and an energy vampire, and who’s just going to keep on taking and taking from us, without giving anything in return. This depletes us even further, and makes us feel even less worthy of the world and of the love around us.

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INFJs Wear The Label Of Counselor Quite Seriously – We Don’t Take Other People’s Needs Lightly, But That Ends Up Hurting Us Sometimes

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The label of a counselor is a heavy one to carry. Just because INFJs are supposedly counselors, it doesn’t mean that we are counselors 24/7, or that we are on the job 24/7. Unfortunately, that’s what people assume about us, and that means that we spend a lot of our time being counselors when we are just too exhausted for it or just not up for it for whatever reason. Or if we have learned how to say no, we spend a lot of our time saying it, and running away from people.

Don’t get me wrong, I love taking care of people. Being an INFJ, nothing gives me more pleasure than sitting down with someone, listening to their problems, offering some advice, or a shoulder to cry upon, and then seeing them rejuvenated and happy walking off to their next destination. That is one of my greatest pleasures.

But, sometimes (a lot of times), I am just not in the mood for it. Or I’m too tired for it. Or I have already counseled some other people today and I need a break from it. 

And the older I get, the more annoyed I get with people and their inconsequential problems, meaning that I am getting more and more cantankerous as I get older, and less and less counselor-like. 

Especially since I have a YouTube channel which focuses on counseling the counselors, I speak to INFJs about how to become better INFJs, and I get dozens of emails every week from INFJs and non-INFJs asking me for help. This is in addition to the people who are asking me for help face-to-face. 

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Why Do INFJs Hate Being Touched By Strangers? – It’s All About Contamination In My Opinion

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I’m originally from India. Although I was 5 months old when my parents moved us first to the Middle East, and then to Canada. I’m grateful as an INFJ that my parents did move us, because Indians have really no concept of personal space. Which means that whenever I go back to visit my relatives, even though I love them so much, I always feel grateful to come back to the solitude and vast personal space etiquette of Canada. Conclusion: Energy matters.

It’s an INFJ thing. Which is devastatingly confusing to all of the people around me. Because if I like someone and I am friends with them, I am overly touchy-feely, hugging them, slapping them on the shoulder, or the thigh. Even in relationships, I love PDAs, and will always be glomping myself onto my significant other, much to the chagrin of the people around us.

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4 Powerful Ways You Can Build Your Introverted Intuition, INFJs – It’s Your Superpower, Use It Well

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One of the reasons I believe INFJs have a hard time fully coming into themselves, and becoming the best version of themselves, is because they are unable to fully trust and connect with one of their major superpowers, their Introverted Intuition (Ni). The lesson here – Build Your Intuition!

It isn’t easy, I agree. I am an INFJ and it took me, I would say, around 30 years to really truly appreciate and believe in the information that my intuition was sending my way. It’s interesting, because our Ni collects all of this seemingly random information from the world around us, assimilates it into bits and bytes of properly datafied information, and then is able to pull out astute conclusions from it, that will baffle and stupefy any bystander by its accuracy and insight. 

How does it do that? For the longest time, I was mystified by its powers. I would know things, without knowing how I knew them. I would make accurate judgements or have explicit insights about individuals or situations around me, and I would have no idea how I came to these conclusions. 

Eventually, I realized that my Ni works in mysterious ways, and I learned to just let it do its own thing. It would send me all of these precise observations, and instead of being afraid of where this information came from and how scarily accurate it was, I now just accept it. 

This is brilliant information that I have a grasp upon due to my powerful intuition. I’m lucky. I should just accept it. This is where I am right now with my Ni.

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Introverts Overanalyze Situations Because We Are Afraid Of Not Being Prepared For All Eventualities

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One of the reasons introverts spend so much time by themselves, and in their heads, is because they are spending a lot of their time in overanalyze mode, and overthinking. We do this, not necessarily because it’s enjoyable in any shape or form. It’s not as if we like to spend time suffering in our mental prisons.

It’s because we are scared of what will happen if we are not prepared for all the freaking eventualities that could possibly come our way. 

Honestly though, if you asked us straight up, we would tell you that logically we know that we can never ever be prepared for all possible eventualities, and we know that no matter how hard we try, we cannot fight against the inevitable passing of out-of-out-control situations. We know all of that. We are not delusional. Well, not completely.

But it feels comfortable to spend time in our heads, in overanalyze mode, pretending like we are preparing for all of the possible worst-case scenarios out there. It feels like instead of wasting our time waiting for something terrible to happen, we are imagining up all of the terrible situations in our head, and thus, we are better prepared for something terrible when it does happen. 

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My Extroverted Friends Know That I Am An Introvert And What That Entails

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I used to be ashamed of being an introvert for such a long time. I guess, that was all necessary, in order to grow into the person I have become now, who gives zero apologies for who I am, and what I want. 

But when I was younger, I used to assume that my introverted nature was something to hide – like a dirty disease that everyone would point their finger at, and laugh. I assumed that I had to behave like everyone else in my school and at home. 

It seemed like everyone else around me loved being around people all the time, no matter what time of day, or how long it had been since they had been alone. 

All of that stuff seemed to matter only to me. 

I was the weird one. Therefore, I had to be the one who had to hide my oddity. 

I had to hide it away into a box, and pretend to fit in with all of the extroverts around me. 

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