Suffering is due to our disconnection with the inner soul. Meditation is establishing that connection. – Amit Ray
One meditation style that is extremely hard for me, but something that I like to practice from time to time, is ‘Observing the observer.’ I’m not an expert in this style, but what I have found is that there are thoughts that flow back and forth across my consciousness, and if I lift the veil on those thoughts, there is a deeper me.
This deeper me is the essence of me.
She (for lack of a better pronoun) is always there – serenely sitting and observing everything. She is unaffected by the waves of thoughts, the turmoil of emotions, and the ups and downs of life. I compare her to the deep ocean – the storm might affect the top layer of the ocean and cause it to be tumultuous, but the deeper layers are unaffected, serene and calm.
Why Do I Play Little? Playing It Small Ain’t Cool.
One thing I have noticed about her that irks me is that she is little. When I imagine her sitting there calmly, I think of a little person, quiet, calm, sitting and observing the world. Now, if you’ve read any of my posts, you know that I might be an INFJ (an introvert, intuitive, feeling individual), but I have a big personality, full of life, idealism, ideas, and I want to share these ideas with the world in a big way. I want to help people reach their potential.
All of this means that I cannot be little anymore. I cannot play little anymore.
I need to put on my game face on, even if it means being uncomfortable because I don’t like being in the spotlight. It is time to stop playing small and start living big. And that begins with the deeper me – the essential part of me. I want to imagine her full of light, boisterous, playful, imaginative, silly, and big. I want her to be taking up space – a lot of space.
No More Little Me.
The problem is that my subconscious pictures myself as little – that is what I need to work on. The essential part of me might be big or small – it doesn’t matter to her. She is consciousness – matter doesn’t play big in her world. But it’s my view of myself that I am working to change. I’m not a small human, playing in a small world anymore. I did a lot of that, didn’t work for me. Time to move on to bigger and better things.
Bigger doesn’t mean better, but in my case, I have played small way too long. It is time to move on from that role. I deliberately stay small so others’ whose light isn’t as strong as mine will not be blinded by me. I deliberately pretend not to know so that I don’t make other people feel foolish. I need to stop doing all of that.
If I am able to live big, and grow big, it give permission to all the other people in my life to live and grow big as well. I’ll pull everyone in my life upward with me.
No apologies for who I am anymore – let’s do this!
P.S. I wrote this post on my old blog on 21st Feb, 2016. Love how far I have come since then, but the idea still applies. Enjoy!