Recently, I went travelling with my parents and sister to Morocco, something that has been on my bucket list, ever since I watched the movie, Casablanca. Now, believe me, when I say, I love my parents, and sister, more than anyone else on the planet. But, I was about ready to commit murder at the end of the 9 days, because I had spent almost 24-7 with them for those 9 days, except when I was dead asleep to the world, exhausted from all of the sightseeing.
Thankfully, I was sharing a space with my INTJ sister, and she understood the importance of my detox/alone time every day, which meant that she gave me some time to be on my own, right after we came back from a long day of being tourists, and in the morning, so I could do my all-important morning routine.
The importance of alone time for an INFJ cannot be overemphasized. I’m not joking with the title of this post, when I say we literally will seem like different beings if we are not allowed to get our alone recharge time.
Normally, we seem like the most easy going people on the planet. At times, we might even be considered charming, and affable. But, if you put us into a situation where we are not allowed to spend a few hours a day on our own, chilling out, doing our thing, and recharging, we will turn into horrible monsters, who will destroy everything that stands in our path. We will turn into these other world beings, completely different from what you imagined we were like before.
Unfortunately, People Think Our Alone Time Is An Affront To Them, Somehow
Why is it that INFJs have to fight for their alone time, as if they are fighting a lion for his territory? It seems completely inconceivable, but that’s the way it works. In my life, at least, even though I train the people around us diligently about the importance of alone time to me, there are situations where my friends or family will get angry or upset with me, when I ask for my alone time.
It’s as if I am insulting them somehow when I tell them, I need my time away from everyone. They always say, ‘Yes, but you are fine with me being around, aren’t you?’ As if they are somehow divested from this condition I have of wanting to be away from people.
Please realize that if you are going to want to be around an INFJ long-term, you are going to learn to give them a LOT of time on their own. Even if you are married to an INFJ, you are going to realize sooner or later that they are lone wolves, who will go off on their own for hours on end, sometimes even days, to recharge, and recuperate their senses, and mental sanity.
It is not an affront to you. Or your relationship with them. They are not rejecting you. Or saying that they hate you. Or that you annoy them.
We Go Into Our Caves To Recharge – It’s Absolutely Necessary
When an INFJ is taking the time to be on their own, all they are saying is that ‘I’m an INFJ, and this is how I recharge – by going away from everyone and everything into my little bubble.’
This little bubble space is how an INFJ remains sane in a world that is slowly causing them to go insane.
Think of it this way – every time an INFJ ventures out into the open world with people, noise, drama, and madness, they are poked with little holes one at a time, which drains them of their essence, their energy, and their sanity.
In order to recuperate, and recharge themselves, in order to gain back their essence, energy, and most importantly, their lost sanity, they have to go back into their cave, and spend their time doing what they love most. Which is, thinking about the important questions, staring off into space, eating snacks, and spending time on their obsessions.
If you are wizened enough to give an INFJ their space to do this, you can rest assured that your relationship with the INFJ is perfectly insulated for the rest of eternity. You are protected in knowing that you can be friends or partners with this INFJ forever. Just because you are able to give them this space to recharge themselves.
Most Relationships With INFJs Fail Because The INFJ Didn’t Get Enough Alone Time To Recharge Themselves
As INFJs are easy-going as anything, there are very few things that actually bug us about people. If you are kind, and loyal, and spend quality time contemplating the big questions with us, we will pretty much stay with you forever and more.
So there aren’t many things that can break down a relationship with an INFJ. But there is this essential thing that most people aren’t able to give an INFJ. Or at least, most people don’t give us enough of it. Which is our alone time.
Give us enough alone time to be on our own and recuperate ourselves, and notice us sparkle with new energy. Bonus, you will notice your relationship with us blossom as well.
What is enough alone time for an INFJ? Well, the truth is it’s never enough. We could always use more alone time. People drain us. Conversations drain us. Everything outside of our alone time drains us. So, we are always looking to have more alone time.
But, a good conversation to have with your INFJ is how much alone time they would like to be given on each day and especially on their days off.
Every INFJ Is Unique In Their Own Way
Each INFJ is unique in this regard. I’m more of an extrovert than others, so I can do with less alone time than other INFJs. There are some INFJs, who will disappear for 6 months into their cave, and will emerge only for a few weeks, only to disappear again.
The conversation is important. You need to constantly be chatting with your INFJ to ask them where they are in the moment. Are they doing well? Do they need more alone time? Or do they need you to leave them alone for a few hours or even a few days? Do they need to go into their cave?
What’s going on with your INFJ? Only conversation and observation will teach you about your particular INFJ. Maybe you would notice that your INFJ partner only needs alone time after she/he hangs out with their family. Or after they hang out with a particularly toxic friend. Or after they go to their particularly draining part-time job.
The more alone time you can allow your INFJ friend or partner, the better your relationship with them will be. I can assure you on that one. It’s as sure as the sun will rise in the east tomorrow. Or is it the west. I’m never sure about that one.