Looking for answers outside ourselves

Why Do We Look For the Answers Outside Of Ourselves?

Boom ShikhaSurrender 2 Comments

I feel like all of my problems would disappear if I started focusing on the answers that I find within myself, rather than the ones that appear from the outside. Or are forced to appear from the outside. Why do we look for answers outside ourselves?

I’m sick and tired of being the kind of person who doubts, fears, and worries. Why do I do this to myself?

Let me give you an example. I recently had to make a decision of whether I would go to Canada or Bali. Those were the two options that were laid down in front of me. Easy enough, right? Well, not so fast.

The sensible me was saying that I should go back home to Canada, live with my parents, and save up some money. The adventurous me was saying that I have always wanted to go to Bali, and this is my chance.

The sensible me was saying that I shouldn’t go gallivanting about the world, and should sit still in one place while this pandemic blows over. The adventurous me was saying that I am careful and I don’t go clubbing or to crowded places, and it would all be alright. As it has been till now.

What was the result of this back and forth?

Your Soul Already Knows the Answer – It Really Does

Let me tell you what I discovered through the decision-making process above. I learned what I always learn. That my soul (my true self) always knows what it wants to do. There’s no doubt or fear or worry or anxiety there. If I truly stop, take a deep breath, stop my mental agitation (my pro and con list madness), I realize that I know the answer.

It’s there within me. My soul already knew that the BEST path for me is to go to Bali. It wasn’t the adventurous side as I like to dub it, but my soul. Of course, my sensible, left-brained analytical side likes to put down my soul or heart’s desire, because so often, it’s in direct opposition to everything society and the world likes to tell me.

Oh, but the soul doesn’t want to be sensible, my dear. It wants to do the right thing in the moment. Sometimes that’s ‘sensible’ and sometimes not so much.

I Knew but I Didn’t Want To Believe I Knew

Thus, I knew from the beginning that I would choose the Bali path. I knew deep down within me. But as a ‘sensible’ person, I had to go through the motions of making the decision anew. I had to make pros and cons lists. Had to ask my friends and family. I had to journal about it.

Eventually, after all that hullabaloo, I came to the conclusion that my heart had already come to. Don’t worry about it. Just go with the first thing that came to your mind.

Your soul has already made all the calibrations. Actually, it doesn’t even need to make any calibrations, because it already ‘KNOWS’. It already does. You know that inner knowing of yours. It comes from that. It doesn’t need to think or analyze anything. The path is so clear to your soul that there’s no need to agitate yourself about it.

Why Do We Look For Answers Outside Ourselves and Make Ourselves so Agitated?

I always ask myself this question. Why do I do this to myself? I have been through this process many times before. And every single time, it ends up being exactly the same. My soul comes up with the perfect decision in alignment with God’s will for me, and my hopes, desires, and wants. And it’s written there clearly.

But I don’t want to believe it could be so easy. I want to make it difficult. Want to go up and down the corridor, pacing and ruminating. I want to cry and moan about it. Ask God what I should do with myself. I create a huge drama out of it. When it doesn’t have to be that way at all.

I think we are so used to believing that things should be a certain way. We saw our parents making decisions in one way, being agitated about it, and not certain. And we took on that decision-making process from them. Every adult does it this way (almost every adult), so it must be the right way, we assume as children.

We don’t have any other role models. Not one. That’s why we look for answers outside ourselves.

Have You Ever Just Gone Along With Your First Heart Decision?

We are so used to not listening to our hearts, to our souls, to our deep desires, that we ignore it when it comes up over again. I was told repeatedly by my heart that I want to be a writer, and I ignored it. I was being ‘sensible’ thinking about my future and how I would make an income in the future.

Everyone does it, so we assume that it’s the right way to do things.

But have you ever tried going along with the first thing that comes up for you when you need to make a decision? Have you ever tried that? Think about it. What would you do if you didn’t agitate over every decision? What would you do with all that time, energy, and freedom? You could probably eliminate world hunger if it came to that, right?

That’s how much time we waste in this nonsensical mental agitation. It’s like the beggar who has gold in his pockets but goes searching all over the world for sustenance.

We all behave like beggars! Seriously, we have everything at our fingertips. We can have the decision at a moment’s notice. But we ignore it. We say that we are trying to be diligent about our decision-making process. Phooey! It’s just a delay tactic. We think that thinking more about the problem, or decision, will help us come up with a better decision.

It won’t! The best decision has already been laid out at your feet by your soul/heart. It’s not going to get any better than this. It won’t!

Still, we look for answers outside ourselves.

Stop Acting Like a Beggar When It Comes to Your Decision-Making Process

I’m sure you are thinking that you are better at decision than the people around you, so you don’t need to change. Let me tell you that I thought the same. Everyone around me took hours to make one decision, I took hours, but fewer hours than them. That meant that I was better, right?


You don’t need hours to make a decision. It’s right in front of you. The next step you need to take is right there. Just trust it. Trust that your soul/heart is leading you in the right direction. You don’t need to worry or fear anything. It won’t lead you astray. It won’t lead you in the ‘wrong’ direction (because after all there is no right or wrong).

It’s not here to make you suffer but to make you live the best life possible. The BEST life possible for you. Not for anyone else. But you. That’s why your decision might be different from someone else’s. But the best decision for you will be delineated by your heart. Clearly. Just follow it. Without doubt.

Enjoyed the article? Leave a comment below and let me know what you thought about it.

Boom Shikha

About the Author
Boom Shikha

Boom Shikha

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Boom Shikha is a wanderluster, yogi, and spiritual being hoping to use her talents as a communicator and an INFJ to bring peace and purpose to more people of this world. Read More

Comments 2

  1. In the wee small hours ! Thankyou
    Struck with a moral dilemma . Stay here with my husband or move ( he won’t and why should he I suppose ) to help my daughter who has just been left by her husband with my only grand daughter in central london. She works full time . My grand daughter is nine soon but I don’t want her to be a latch key kid . Like my daughter did. So my heart is torn but I know what I gave to do ….

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