Decisions May Be Hard For INFJs Because They Have A Tendency To See 8 Sides To Everything

  • Reading time:6 mins read

One of the main reasons my INTJ sister and I fight is because she doesn’t understand that I see the world in extreme shades of gray. Whereas for her the world is more a case of black and white, with a little bit of gray somewhere in there, sometimes. Decisions are easier for her, and not so much for me.

In fact, this is one of the main reasons why I despised myself for the longest time. I used to think that I am weak or I don’t really have a mind of my own, because I would flit from opinion to opinion, depending on the day, and my mood. Even now, I have a tendency to occasionally negate my awesome ability to see both sides of the situation, and mediate on the subject matter. 

Why are INFJs like this? Our ability to see all sides of the situation comes from our deep empathic capacity. We have a big heart, but we are also able to use said big heart, to peer into people’s minds and hearts, and see life from their perspective. Whenever I am in the middle of an argument between two people I love, I have an extremely difficult time siding with one person or the other, because truly I can see the world from both of their sides, and both of their sides are right in their own way. How could I possibly choose one more than the other? It seems an impossible task. 

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Having An Internal Point Of Reference Makes Decision Making Easier

  • Reading time:4 mins read

I visited my friend Zita, recently at a tiny beach town in Mexico, called Sayulita. She was chatting at a dinner about her recent trip to Las Vegas, and how when she told her friend about the trip, the friend said immediately, “You are so lucky you are in party central.” My friend quickly informed her that she sleeps early and has no intention of going to any parties, drinking, or clubbing at all. Her friend was so disappointed in her, and said, “You HAVE to go to at least one party when you are in Vegas.”

We then started talking about internal points of reference vs. external, and how this was a really good example of a person who holds themselves by external points of reference, rather than internal. My friend, Zita, of course, had a very strong internal point of reference, which told her, that if she didn’t want to dancing, or partying, even if everyone else in Vegas was doing that, she didn’t have to.

An internal point of reference makes judgements, decisions, and holds beliefs, based on something inside of them, some belief system or vision that they hold dear to themselves. They are the kinds of people who will do something even if no one else on the planet is doing it, if it is important to them. And they are the kinds of people who refuse to do something if they don’t wish to, even if every other person on the planet is doing it.

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