Our Heart Always ‘Knows’ Faster Than Our Heads

  • Reading time:5 mins read

I was speaking to a friend of mine recently and she asked me a question that acted like a sort of eureka moment for me. She asked me how much longer I was going to keep thinking that I had some kind of time debt to pay off. And how much longer would it take for me to pay off that debt.

You see, even though, I am living my ideal life right now, I feel like I wasted my life basically from the time I was 21 to around the age of 29. It was all about partying, wasting time and energy on nonsense, clubbing and drinking, buying too much shit, and running after the next shiny object. Even speaking about it makes me really angry and disappointed in myself.

Of course, if you believe that everything is happening for a reason, then that phase in my life had to happen for this phase in my life to begin. But, and this is a big but in my head, I couldn’t accept that theory for the longest time. The only thought that went round and round in my head was that I wasted my best years, on nothingness. I wasted my time, and energy on nonsense.

I felt like a failure, and if I had to stop feeling like a failure, I had to pay back those years, by working twice or thrice or ten times as hard right now.

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Turning 30 Triggered Some Kind Of Fire In Me

  • Reading time:12 mins read

I’m sure this is the same for a lot of people on this planet. My quarter-life crisis didn’t come to me until I turned 30. When I was 25, I was still foolish, still searching, and still dreaming. I thought everything would work out perfectly, because I still had a lot of time. But when I turned 30, all of a sudden, there was this alarm bell that rang out in my head that said, “Warning, warning, you are 30, and you haven’t accomplished anything useful with your life.”

That was the whole point of my crisis. My existential crisis, or my quarter life crisis, whatever you wish to call it. I hadn’t accomplished anything that I could be proud of until then. Yes, I had filled my life with stuff. I had filled my life with nonsense. I had done things. So many things. Things to speak about, things to brag about, things to fill my conversations and head with.

But those things, were they meaningful to me in any big way? Not really. They didn’t touch my heart. They were fun to speak of, and other people would go buggy-eyed when they heard me tell my lifestory. But I knew in my own heart that I had not reached my highest potential. (more…)

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