The Day My Life Changed Forever

  • Reading time:2 mins read

I had just come back from Thailand – it had been a dream trip. The trip had been absolutely epic. I had spent 3 weeks sitting by the ocean, under the sun, or the stars, contemplating the surf. No thoughts ran through my mind. I was calm, relaxed, and happy. I hadn’t touched a computer or looked at a screen for 3 weeks. My body felt the effects of it, too. I came back more flexible in my hips and my shoulders. I spent those beautiful moments with Harry. That was our first trip together. We danced together, and ate together.

I came back to Toronto and I had to go back to work right away, even though I was extremely jet-lagged. Although I was exhausted, I dragged myself to work. I had a 1-1 with my boss that Tuesday, and it wasn’t good. She wasn’t happy with my performance. I wanted to tell her right there and then to stuff the job and leave to go spend time with Harry. But I didn’t. I stayed and listened. I felt bad for being the person I am, who couldn’t work in a corporate field.

Then, Harry left on Jan 26th to go back to Alberta, and I had to go to work. I couldn’t even see him off to the airport. We had to say goodbye in the morning.

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You Are A Writer, Because You Write. You Are A Dancer, Because You Dance.

  • Reading time:4 mins read

I have noticed this tendency in me to brush off people when they tell me, “Oh, that’s wonderful. You are a writer.” This usually happens when I tell them that I write every single day, that I am a writer at heart, and that I have a few novels published on Amazon. I laugh it off. “Oh, no, I’m not a ‘real’ writer. I don’t have ‘real’ novels published, by ‘real’ publishing houses, and I am not recognized by the literary world as a ‘real’ writer.”

Of course, I have realized that this is all nonsense. I never say this exact thing to someone else who tells me they have a novel published or they are writing a blog. If they are writing, they are a writer to me. I realize that people unnecessarily put random criteria on these things.

I’m only a writer if I have a book published by a major publishing house. Or I am only a dancer if I appear on a dance show or in a dance troupe. I am only a musician if I have an album, and fans. I am only something if I am recognized by hundreds of others for it. And perhaps, also paid hundreds of dollars for it. Preferably millions.

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Until Your Current Situation Becomes Unbearable, You Will Not Change

  • Reading time:5 mins read

Why am I so driven now to change my life and live the life that I have always wanted to live? This change, this driven attitude, this motivation in me, didn’t happen overnight. But it seems sometimes that it did. I realize now that the change that I had wanted, the motivation that I had always craved was always underneath the surface. Waiting to appear. Waiting to bubble up to the surface.

But it didn’t. Why?

Because there wasn’t enough impetus for it to come to surface. There wasn’t enough gumption.

Once, my life became unbearable to me, then it was time. The volcano erupted and the lava in me, the motivational lava in me is still flowing strong.

My life was pretty bearable for a long time, and that was, of course, a problem. As long as my life was bearable enough, it didn’t matter. I was fine. I could take it. It was good enough. No need to rock the boat. No need to change anything.

You are lucky, people would say to me. You have a good job, and a great salary, and a family who loves you.

Why am I so unhappy then? I would ask myself occasionally. But I would cover up the asking, the question with a facade of shopping, consumerism, and Television. 

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Do You Have A Shitty Life? Turn It Around Using This.

  • Reading time:12 mins read

It’s a weird journey that we are all on, isn’t it? I mean, we think we are growing, and we are getting somewhere, wherever that place might be to each person. And all of a sudden, a roadblock appears, or worse, something much harsher. The few steps forward that we have taken, are all taken away from us. We stumble backwards. We try to crawl forwards, but nothing really gives. Stuck, we try this and that and the other. But, again nothing gives.

We are lost. Alone. Lonely. Sad. Stressed. Depressed. And a hundred other emotions course through us, mostly bad ones. We wonder if we are ever, ever, ever, going to be relieved of the burden under which we live. Are we ever going to get out from under this rock that is pressing down on us? Preventing us from breathing, and from living to our fullest?

We wake up every day crying. Weeping. Bawling. People start avoiding us. They think of us that person who mopes around a lot. “She just lost a boyfriend, or a job, or some money. Can’t she get over it already? For God’s sake.” They say in groups, huddled around, judging, and condemning us for feeling.

Why don’t they get it, we wonder? They have been through this before. Why don’t they commiserate with me? But they know, as we know, as everybody knows, that this is just a temporary thing. It comes as fast as a flash flood. And it leaves as slowly as a peaceful brook.

They know it’s going to leave us soon. So, they are just waiting for that. But in our minds, we are thinking, “I’m never going to be over this. I am going to suffer forever!!”

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Sick Of People Saying They Are Jealous Of Me

  • Reading time:11 mins read

At least once a week, I get an email or message from someone saying that they are jealous of me, or jealous of my lifestyle, or jealous of my courage. Whatever they might be jealous of, I am sick and tired of them saying it. Don’t get me wrong, I used to say exactly the same thing over and over again, with regards to people who I was following. These people were living my ideal life, but in my heart of hearts I believed that I couldn’t live my ideal life as they were. I had something missing within me that made it impossible for me to live the kind of life that I wished to live.

So I sat around feeling sorry for myself, and telling them in messages or comments, how jealous I was of their life.

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‘Why Are You Living A Shitty Mediocre Life?’ Everyone Else Around Me Is Doing The Same.

  • Reading time:12 mins read

Now that I have been living my ideal life for the past few months, I have been thinking a lot about why I didn’t do this earlier.

Was I not aware that it was possible to live my ideal life? Did I not know that the possibility existed? Or was I just content living a shitty, mediocre life because everyone else around me was living a shitty, mediocre life as well?

In my humble opinion, no matter what excuse I come up with for being ignorant for the first 33 years of life, they all do not suffice. I always knew lots of people who were living amazing awesome lives that I was extremely jealous of. I knew people were doing it.

But in my head for some bizarre reason, this amazing life was possible for everyone else but not for me.

Is that a thought that goes through your head as well?

Do not fear my friend. I’m here to let you know, not only that this debilitating thought exists in everyone’s head, but I am going to tell you, that your IDEAL life is just over on the other side of this miserable thought.

So let’s do this thing. Let’s break down this thought to its essence and see that the monster that it portrays is just a tiny little adorable Tasmanian Devil who can’t really do anything to us.

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[Ep 5] Without Our Life Purpose, Nothing Sticks And Everything Feels Meh

  • Reading time:3 mins read

Goal: Find Life Purpose

In this episode, I’ll be chatting about our life purpose and why finding it matters!

You see until I found my life purpose, life was a little off-colour just like a movie played in black and white. It felt like everything was a bit bland. Before my life purpose, I:

  • Felt restless and moved around from country to country, feeling meh.
  • Moved from job to job, feeling bored, and useless.
  • Jumped around from relationship to relationship, feeling unstimulated, and unexcited.
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