INFJs Have A Foot In Both Camps – That’s Why They Never Fit Anywhere Perfect

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Something people always say about me is that fitting in is my middle name. I have friends in the nerdy tech circle, and I have friends in the hippie sage-burning circle. I have friends in the digital nomad circle, and I have friends in the spiritual community. And it’s not like I fit in perfectly into either group. It’s not like I am a square peg in a round hole, but I fit in just enough so that people in that group consider me a good friend or close acquaintance. I guess that’s what makes things difficult.

There is no circle or group in which I fit in perfectly. I can play the game and fit in reasonably well with all of the people that I hang out with. And I guess, that’s what it’s all about – playing the game well. 

In fact, one of the major complaints that I receive from INFJs who send me emails and messages everyday is this – I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. 

This disconnection from the people around them is one of the main reasons why INFJs feel so much gratitude, almost to the point of tears, when they discover the INFJ communities online. Comment after comment on my YouTube channel focused on INFJs says this – “Thank you for making me feel less alone, less like a freak. Thank you for giving me a space to completely and totally belong.”

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Why Do So Many INFJs Ignore Their Intuition, When It’s Truly One Important Superpower

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If I had to tell people one thing about myself that I absolutely despise, it’s this – I hate that I ignore the signs and messages that my Introverted Intuition (Ni) sends me on a daily basis. Even when it has lined the messages with neon red LED lights and flashed them in front of my face, I still manage to disbelieve its importance, or veracity. 

It’s not just me, though. Lots of INFJs message or email me on a weekly basis with stories of how they ignored their intuition to their own detriment, and that still didn’t teach them to stop doing that foolishness. It irks us to no end. We are like Spiderman who knows he has the capacity to save the world, but spends all of his city chasing after Lois Lane instead. I mean, lust aside, how many people in the world have such a powerful intuition at their fingertips? Not many. 

Why can’t we just appreciate the messages coming to us from our intuition? Can’t we just believe what it says? Why do we doubt its accuracy, time and time again? Why do we falter and disbelieve and end up needing more proof?

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INFJs Get Chatty Around Certain People And It Leaves Them Feeling Uncomfortable And Embarrassed

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Recently, I shared a meme with my YouTube community which consists mostly of INFJs, but also of other types. It said something like, “INFJ – I don’t like how chatty I get when I feel at ease with someone.” A day later, I had 23 comments most of which were at least a paragraph long, with people describing how they felt after they had had one of these chatty sessions themselves.

It was fascinating to me to witness this because it further reinforced the idea for me that I am not alone, and even when I think I am weird because I behave one way or another, I find out that a bunch of other INFJs or people on this planet behave in exactly the same way. The loneliness that tends to creep into me, dissipates very rapidly at such a knowing. 

Thus, I decided to share this post with you and with it certain ideas on how to avoid this extra-chatty nature of yours, or even better, embrace it wholly, so it can become part of your repertoire. 

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INFJs Don’t Know How To Alleviate Their Anxiety Sometimes, So They End Up Organizing Life Instead

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INFJs usually have no idea how they are feeling. What are feelings and how do they show up in the body? For a person with a poor mind-body connection, INFJs usually don’t know how they feel and end up emulating others around them who are feeling something. But this usually ends up in them picking up on the anxious and neurotic feelings of the people around them. 

It’s a Catch 22. We don’t know how to feel so we open up ourselves to other people’s feelings. Then we chameleon-ize ourselves. And that causes us to pick up unwanted energies from other people. Eep. 

Either way, an INFJ’s reaction to all of this anxiety or unwanted emotion is usually to clean house. Literally. They will start going into a frenzy of cleaning and organizing everything that they own, and everything that they can. 

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For The INFJ, It Was Never Ever About Being Right, But About Doing What’s Right

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This is a big thing for an INFJ, so if you are interested in learning more about us, please pay attention. This will actually happen a lot in real life, where humans will inordinate amounts of time arguing with some other human online or offline, because they have this weird desire to be proven right. 

As an INFJ, I look at most arguments and wonder why people are wasting so much time and energy arguing about something that doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or who’s right. 

For example, in the argument between people who believe in global warming, and those who don’t, it doesn’t actually matter who’s right. Does it really? The whole point is that either way, humanity is killing off and endangering species and hectares of forest, left right and centre. And that can’t be good for the environment, no matter which way you look at it. You might not believe that the Earth is getting warmer, although anyone who’s living on the planet right now can sense that the days are definitely hotter… but you can see that overpopulation and overconsumption isn’t good for the planet in any case.

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Why Do INFJs Hate Being Touched By Strangers? – It’s All About Contamination In My Opinion

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I’m originally from India. Although I was 5 months old when my parents moved us first to the Middle East, and then to Canada. I’m grateful as an INFJ that my parents did move us, because Indians have really no concept of personal space. Which means that whenever I go back to visit my relatives, even though I love them so much, I always feel grateful to come back to the solitude and vast personal space etiquette of Canada. Conclusion: Energy matters.

It’s an INFJ thing. Which is devastatingly confusing to all of the people around me. Because if I like someone and I am friends with them, I am overly touchy-feely, hugging them, slapping them on the shoulder, or the thigh. Even in relationships, I love PDAs, and will always be glomping myself onto my significant other, much to the chagrin of the people around us.

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Introverts May Appear Closer To Extroverts At Certain Times

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One of the main things that irked me about being an introvert for the longest time was that if I displayed even a smidgeon of extrovertedness, everyone started looking at me like I had grown two heads. 

But more than that, when I started off with new acquaintances, being extroverted, when I went back to being an introvert, I started receiving all of this flak about deceiving people. 

I didn’t make you believe anything – I am just being myself, for god’s sake. 

Okay, rant over, but not really.

I love all of my extroverted friends – I really do. But there are definitely certain things that I wish they knew about my introverted nature, because seriously that would make my life so much easier. If every extroverted person on the planet could read this article, it would be such a boon for all of the introverted people in their lives.

There are 3 things you need to know about us being introverts that will keep this confusion at bay.

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