When I was younger, in my twenties, I didn’t believe in myself enough. Whatever the reason might have been, I believed that I wasn’t strong enough to handle everything that life sent at me. I thought I was weak, and I needed other people. There wasn’t enough stuff inside of me to handle all of the shit that the universe hurled at me (of course, I hadn’t discovered that adage that the universe only sends at you, what you can handle).
All of this to say, because I wasn’t enough to myself, I always searched for meaning, and ideas, and support outside of myself. I wanted to be more, I wanted to be enough, but I believed that I wasn’t. Thus, I searched for stuff outside myself.
I say this because it is important to say this out loud. I see so many people every single day asking me for help and feedback and I am happy to give them the initial push to where they want to go. But, I always end every email or message with the same warning – the more we search for something outside of ourselves, the more we are going to be lost.
I Felt Entirely Lost When I Didn’t Come Back Within Enough
This is an interesting world we live in right now. There are so many varied ways for a person to distract themselves from what is going on inside of them. It was easy for me to run to yoga, or go shopping, or drink to excess with friends. So much easier to do that, than to get in touch with myself, to go back to within myself, and see what’s missing.
There wasn’t anything missing within me. I could have gone within myself, and found the answers (as I do now). But I had very few role models to do that. Most people, in the Western world, would recommend you go outside of yourself to search for answers. Why is that? Well, they haven’t been taught any other way.
Whenever anyone finds out that I am Indian, they always ask me whether they should visit India to find answers to all of those burning questions inside of themselves. The answer from me is vehemently no. Do not do that. Do not run to another country to search for answers.
I tell them, I have done that. Oh man, I did that a lot when I was younger. I was so lost, and I wanted answers so badly. So I ran, ran, ran all over the place. Moving countries. Moving jobs. Even moving relationships. All to find that answer outside of myself.
The Answers Are All Within Us Specific To Us
The main reason why I couldn’t find answers outside of myself, in my humble opinion, is because the answers that are already out there are specific to some person out there. They might be a good solution for them, but they might not be, and probably will not be a good solution for you.
We are all such unique human beings, with unique needs, capabilities, desires, life experiences, and so much more. Even the food that we eat has to be tailored to our bodies. So how can we imagine that something so complex as the answers to who we are and what we are here to do, could be found in the aisles of H&M or Walmart.
I mean, that’s just madness.
If we are going to find the answers for questions that are important to us, we are going to have to come back to within us. The answers are already there. It’s like the universe places all of these answers within us, so when we exhaust ourselves searching for answers outside of us, we can come back, and rest because there’s no more need to run.
I spent so much of my time, so much of my teens, and twenties, running like a fiend, searching for those answers. Travelling everywhere. Jumping from relationship to relationship. Skipping through jobs like they were candy machines (sometimes I make sense, sometimes I don’t).
When I Stopped, I Saw A Reflection Of The Answer Within
The unfortunate thing about the society we live in that stillness, silence, and reflection are looked down upon. People think you are being lazy or slow or weird. I have had to defend myself many times, because I would rather spend my mornings meditating rather than partying the night before. Or I eschew alcohol or drugs. Or I would rather spend my money on being free, rather than buying things.
These are choices I made. Because as soon as I stopped even for a little bit, I noticed that that being inside of me, the observer as they call her, or that deep soul seat inside of me, that is watching everything, had all the answers. She sits there within me like a fat laughing Buddha. Knowing all the answers, and laughing at me, for being so foolish, for running around, for hurrying and crying, when there is no need to do any of that.
This might sound crazy if you haven’t actually had contact with this deep being within you. But we all, everyone of us, have this deep being within us.
She, he, it, or whatever pronoun you want to use, sits there, watching everything that is going on. She is taking inventory, of course. But she’s also there to be that voice in our head that helps us make the right choice specifically tailored for us. She helps us figure out what the right path for us would be when there are so many paths in front of us, and so much misleading information out there.
It’s The Simplest Thing In The World – To Slow Down
As you have probably been told before, just because something is simple, doesn’t mean it’s easy. It is simple to sit down in stillness, to be slow, to calm down, to relax, and to be present.
Those are simple words, and simple actions. But it took me forever to get to a point within myself that I could be still without feeling guilty about it. Even now, when I sit down to do my meditation in the morning, I always feel this twinge that says, “Shouldn’t you be doing something more useful, like work or something?”
What all of us, including me, need to realize is that the more we slow down, the easier it becomes for us to choose the right path when the choice comes towards us. For example, when we slow down we know ourselves better. And because of being in touch and in tune with ourselves, when the choice comes to choose to be with someone or not, we already know. We know the answer, because we know ourselves and we know what would jibe well with us.
In the past, I would always be confused about the path that I am supposed to take. I would go back and forth between two or three different options, fearful that I was going to end up making the wrong choice because I didn’t know anything. Now, I know a little bit more. I know what choice to take so that I don’t end up harming myself or hurting myself more than supporting myself.
This happened only because I slowed down enough to connect with that observer.
Healing Has Become The New BuzzWord For People
The minute I hear that someone is taking time out to heal themselves, I am both excited for them, and a bit apprehensive. I feel like some of us are addicted to healing. We have this mistaken assumption that healing comes from outside of ourselves, and we need to do oodles of these outside procedures, whatever they might be, to make us feel better.
But, the same individuals seem to be dealing with relapses over and over again, and I think it has to do with the fact that they are either not allowing their bodies, minds, and souls to integrate the healing process. Or that they are spending way too much on healing devices outside of themselves, rather than going inward. Or both.
Either way, the main thing that I always tell people who ask me for more and more healing devices, is to stop going mad with that. Stop going for the latest fad in healing techniques, like Kambo ceremonies, or Cacao ceremonies, or Ayahuasca, or whatever else it might be. And come back to yourself.
Ask yourself what you want to know, slow down, stop, be still, and let the answer bubble up through your consciousness. Perhaps, it might take a few days or months or even years (as in my case) for the answer to come up.
But that’s all good. It’s time well spent.
A Lot Of Times You Are Going To HATE The Answer That Comes Up
It’s so much easier to pretend like we don’t know what we are doing, and to work with half-truths, or mistruths, or even blatant lies.
That’s what most of us would love to do. So when we end up doing these slowing down internal healing practices, then a lot of the answers that are going to come up are going to suck.
In my example, when I started slowing down, and meditating every morning, there was a clear answer that came to me. It was that I had made an absolute bollocks of my life, that I was wasting my life entirely, and that I had to start making some changes, or I was going to be a deadbeat my entire life.
That was a really hard thing to hear. I didn’t like to hear it. I didn’t want to hear it. But hear it I did. Because there was no way to escape from it anymore. It came up for me over and over again. I knew then that it was the truth and I would either have to do something about it, or I would have to make the dirty realization that I knew the answer to my conundrum but I was too lazy to do anything about it. Or too scared. Or too whatever.
That’s when I started making all of the changes that I did, in order to bring my life to fruition, to the idyllic nature that it is at right now.
Side Effect: Being Able To Look Yourself In The Eyes With Pride
So that’s my warning to you. You will probably not like the answers that are coming at you. You are going to hate them, and you are going to hate yourself for being such a bum. But once you get over that, once you make the changes that are necessary, you will be able to hold your head up high and look yourself in the eye without cringing.
In fact, I realized for myself that before I did all of this work, I hated myself. Despised myself. Thought nothing of myself. I had a very poor opinion of myself. Perhaps, I could go as far as to say, I was an absolute loser.
But now, after all of that work, I walk through this world, with my head held high. I trust myself, my opinions, and my walk. If I say I am going to do something, I do it. No ifs, ands, and buts.
The change that has garnered in the opinions of others around me has been astounding as well. Not only do I love myself more and respect myself more. But also, the people around me, almost everyone I know, looks at me with a different respect in their eyes. They have a higher opinion of me, than ever before.
Even my parents, who always thought I could do more with myself, have nothing more to say to me. They know that I am living close to my potential, which is really nice to know. Knowing that parents can be so critical, I know that I am on the right path.
Finality – Slow Down Right Now, Because You Don’t Have Much Time Left
When I first realized that I had to start changing my ways, I was already in my thirties. I was 30 at the time, and I had already wasted so much of my life away. I told myself, enough is enough. More than enough.
I couldn’t deal with this anymore. I don’t know how old you are at the moment. But all of us are dying at a similar rate. Eventually we are all going to be snuffed out without a trace. The reason we are doing this work on ourselves isn’t to show the world. Because the world won’t care once we are dead. But to show ourselves that we are capable. That we can do this, and that we are alive for a very important reason.
What is that reason for you? I’m sure you will find out. But only if you slow down, and relax. Take the time to be here, and take the time to know yourself. There’s so much to learn there, so much to gain. I wish I could force all of you to try it at least once. But I cannot. All I can do it implore you to slow down now.
Right freaking now.
Because who knows if you are going to be alive tomorrow. Who knows if you are going to be here tomorrow.
Start now. Always start with everything now. Now, now, now.