I was speaking to a friend of mine recently and she asked me a question that acted like a sort of eureka moment for me. She asked me how much longer I was going to keep thinking that I had some kind of time debt to pay off. And how much longer would it take for me to pay off that debt.
You see, even though, I am living my ideal life right now, I feel like I wasted my life basically from the time I was 21 to around the age of 29. It was all about partying, wasting time and energy on nonsense, clubbing and drinking, buying too much shit, and running after the next shiny object. Even speaking about it makes me really angry and disappointed in myself.
Of course, if you believe that everything is happening for a reason, then that phase in my life had to happen for this phase in my life to begin. But, and this is a big but in my head, I couldn’t accept that theory for the longest time. The only thought that went round and round in my head was that I wasted my best years, on nothingness. I wasted my time, and energy on nonsense.
I felt like a failure, and if I had to stop feeling like a failure, I had to pay back those years, by working twice or thrice or ten times as hard right now.
My Heart Already Knew That My Metaphorical Debt Was Already Paid Off
When my friend asked me that question a few days ago, I realized as if in a flash that actually, I had already paid off my debt. I was already ahead of the game. There was nothing to worry about. It was all good. I am no longer working like a crazy person because I want to catch up on some sort of time debt, but because I truly and absolutely love to work on my creative projects.
They are no longer a punishment of myself, but in fact, a celebration of who I am and of what I want to contribute to the world.
But the funny thing is that this revelation came from my heart. My head was still stubbornly stuck in the old patterns of thinking. It was still saying, “No, you wasted time, and it’s not enough yet. Not enough yet. You haven’t done enough yet.” But, my tender and intuitive heart already knew that the debt, which was truly never there, had already been paid off.
It was over. I had nothing to fear anymore. Anything I would do now would be a celebration of my talents and abilities, and my time here on this planet. How much ever there is left of it.
I found it interesting how my heart ‘knew’ this way before my head did.
In fact, I think my head is still debating over it. Whereas, my heart has already accepted it and moved on.
Our Hearts Always Know Faster Based On Intuition
The reason for the discrepancy between our hearts and our heads could be the fact that our hearts base all of their decision making processes on intuition, and the connection it has with the collective consciousness and the universe. The heart is never truly alone in making its decision.
Whereas, I feel like our heads make all of their decisions using just the information that are present in our memory banks. There is no connection with a higher self or a higher being in the head’s decision making process. Or thinking process.
The head thinks or learns in a very isolated way. But the heart does the same in a very connected, abstract, extroverted, and loving way.
The difference, therefore, shows up, where our hearts always seem to know everything. Our hearts know in a way that is ingrained deep within us that cannot be disturbed by anything. But the heads always know tentatively. A strong breeze can make them drop their belief system and run to the other side of the equation. The head seems so much more fickle that way. Whereas once the heart knows something, it knows it for life, and there is nothing anyone else can say to disturb that knowing.
Your Heart Knows – Learn To Listen To Your Heart More
It seems easy to say that we should listen to our heart more often. But it’s so hard to do.
Our hearts sometimes know things that it takes our heads at least a year or so to catch up to. Or, even longer. Sometimes I know some path is right for me, intuitively. But it takes me a few days, years, or even a decade to explain why I think that path is right for me. And, how I am going to make it happen.
For example, I knew from my late teens, early twenties, that I wanted to become a digital nomad, be location independent, and become a full-time writer. My heart knew that. But it took me about 15 or so years to get to a point where my head could start believing in the possibility. And more importantly, get things rolling for me to live my ideal life.
This discrepancy can be a terrible thing, because it means that we are always walking around out-of-sync, but also it means that we end up, like I did, waiting years and years to make something happen, because our head doesn’t get into sync with our heart right away.
Perhaps that’s also a talent of the awakened being. They are able to get their head and hearts into sync faster. Therefore, they are able to live a much more aligned and powerful life. Perhaps, that’s something that we should all be working on as well. To live the best version of our lives as much as possible.